Thursday, June 26, 2008

column 2

Did the world ever make sense?
Seriously, in today’s life, there’s no shame in being confused about facts. We’ve been taught to never eat with our fingers in public, but yet the best thing to buy at a carnival is finger food — someone invented the funnel cake for a reason.
Our mother’s harped to always buckle up in a moving vehicle, but golf carts don’t come standard with that feature.
Our father’s told us drugs were bad, as they stuffed pill after pill into our chicken poxed bodies.
And then when getting an x-ray taken at the doctor’s office, it’s always pleasing to hear the results are positive. The same can’t be said about receiving the results of a drug test.
And the craziness continues.
In sports, there’s enough confusion that Confucius wouldn’t be able to keep it square, or straight, or whatever one says to be on top of things.
The foul pole is in fair play in baseball, while a free throw can pay a toll on an individual in basketball.
A strikeout is bad in baseball as it constitutes an out, while a strikeout in bowling is great because it represents a perfect frame.
A foul means an illegality in basketball, but simply a ‘do-over’ in baseball.
Turnovers tend to be bad in all sports, save wrestling, where they’re another name for a reversal.
Tackles usually have a violent connotation, until you get into fishing, where one’s tackle leads to quiet days on the lake, waiting for a bite.
Even teams are confused as to what to call themselves.
The Chicago White Sox wear black socks. The Utah Jazz call there home Salt Lake City, a place known for its church organ music. The Los Angeles Lakers call their home a city near the ocean. I guess it’s a really large lake? Not quite.
Then there are team that make no sense. Kings in Scremento? Since when. This country is run as a democracy. And while were at it, why are Royals in Kansas City? Titans in Tennesse? Penguins in Pittsburgh?
The Big Ten conference features 11 teams, so someone must’ve done their math wrong.
Golf clubs are separated into irons and woods. Woods are made of titanium, while irons are made of steel?
At sporting events, clocks can wind down, or run up — as in soccer, but clocks are clocks, they’re sometimes wrong. But at least we can agree on one thing, the highest score is always best. Wait, scratch that. Cross country and golf use the lowest score for their winners.
So I ask again, did the world ever make sense?
I suppose not.

No comments: